Can You Get Married Without An Officiant?

This is a continuation of a thread from the letters page of my website. The question interests me, as a Celebrant, both because I like to know about the legalities and because I want to know what specific desire leads someone to ask this question.

Second thought first: Why do you want to get married without an officiant?
I understand the wish to have an intimate ceremony where everyone gathered knows you, brides and grooms. In times past, more people were part of a community that included a religious or cultural or judicial leader, and therefore, that "person of authority" had a history with you and your family. It probably felt comfortable, and also significant, having that learned figure preside over your wedding. Since that situation isn't as common these days, it may be that you yearn for the familiarity. Your aunt, or friend, may be a very gifted celebrator and would seem to be the perfect choice.

It could also be that the two of you feel that your vows to each other are what accomplishes the "marrying" - and who needs an official person to stand there while you say "I give you my hand and my love"; why do they have the authority to proclaim what you have already declared? That self-declaration is the tenet of some faiths, and of other cultural traditions in the past. Hand-fasting was originally the way to declare yourselves married, in Celtic tradition. For a year you remained "attached" to your partner, and at the end of that time, you were married. (I'm not saying you two were literally tied together; rather you proclaimed your tie one day, and 12 months later you were married. Unless you broke the tie.)

It is possible that you feel the fee you would pay to the officiant could be better spend elsewhere, so why not find a way to cut it. That is a poor reason, I say, totally without prejudice.

You may have a reason I haven't suggested. And you are welcomed to suggest it.

Getting down to the nitty gritty, here are some of the legalities, as I know them at this moment. First, understand that marriage laws in the United States are determined by the individual states. Within those laws, localities sometimes have their own specific regulations. Since this is such a vast subject, mired in idiosyncrasies, I know well only the states I officiate in - and though I diligently keep up with this, I do not in any shape or form claim infallibility. Take what you can from this, and investigate further if you need to.

In Connecticut, you do not need the officiant to perform the ceremony, but a legal officiant must be present to witness the marriage and sign the license.
In Pennsylvania, you can apply for a license allowing the two of you to marry yourselves. The most recent news I have read is that you must be a member of a faith (Quakerism, for example) that condones this. I believe this decision is being challenged.
In New York, someone can be ordained for the day, for the purpose of officiating at the wedding. And, at all times, anyone ordained by the Universal Life Church can legally perform a wedding. In New York City, an officiant must be registered with the city clerk. The Universal Life Church ordination is valid in many states, but I can't hand you a list of which ones.
In West Virginia (I now know - getting ready to officiate there), the officiant must be registered with the State.

...to be continued.

Where You Can Get Married, Stella & Rosie/Eugene & David

So much has happened since I last wrote about same-sex marriage.

Maine made it legal through legislation, and then the electorate voted it down in a referendum in November.

Here in New Jersey, there was a serious attempt to get a bill on the governor's desk before the desk changed from being Governor Corzine's to seating Governor Christie on January 19th, 2010. It has seemingly ended in defeat. (Thank you, Senate President Codey, for putting it to a vote after both branches refused to step up to the plate. The bill lost in the Senate 20-14.) New Jersey remains a place where though same-sex couples can join in Civil Unions, none dare call it marriage.

That same week, Portugal brought a law into the parliament allowing marriage for gay and lesbian couples. It still must be reviewed, voted on in the parliament and signed by the president, but reports sound optimistic.

Here's the current list, I believe:
Vermont
New Hampshire
Iowa
Massachusetts
Connecticut
Belgium
South Africa
Spain
Sweden
The Netherlands
Norway
Canada

This does not include states or countries that offer a Civil Union, or recognize marriages performed in other states or countries.

Always working to extend this human right to all -----Marriage Equality USA