So much has happened since I last wrote about same-sex marriage.
Maine made it legal through legislation, and then the electorate voted it down in a referendum in November.
Here in New Jersey, there was a serious attempt to get a bill on the governor's desk before the desk changed from being Governor Corzine's to seating Governor Christie on January 19th, 2010. It has seemingly ended in defeat. (Thank you, Senate President Codey, for putting it to a vote after both branches refused to step up to the plate. The bill lost in the Senate 20-14.) New Jersey remains a place where though same-sex couples can join in Civil Unions, none dare call it marriage.
That same week, Portugal brought a law into the parliament allowing marriage for gay and lesbian couples. It still must be reviewed, voted on in the parliament and signed by the president, but reports sound optimistic.
Here's the current list, I believe:
Vermont
New Hampshire
Iowa
Massachusetts
Connecticut
Belgium
South Africa
Spain
Sweden
The Netherlands
Norway
Canada
This does not include states or countries that offer a Civil Union, or recognize marriages performed in other states or countries.
Always working to extend this human right to all -----Marriage Equality USA
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Invitational Tale of Romance
My friend and colleague, wedding Celebrant Celia Milton (who is writing a book about modern wedding rituals, and there is no one better equipped to do this!) sent me a link to this wonderful wedding invitation.
The small size here gives you a glimpse of the layout, but you must follow the link to appreciate the visual, the humor, the creativity and the sheer depth of story that is conveyed in one artistic document. It's brilliant.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Ushers & Runners
May has been a busy month for me wedding-wise, and so a couple of details are on my mind.
Ushers - they are a good thing. I heartily recommend asking 2 to 4 friends or family members if they would help out at the ceremony. They can:
- provide a bit of guidance when guests arrive at a space
- make sure certain seats are saved for specific guests
- tell inquiring guests if there are or are not "side" preferences
- hand out programs
- define a space, in the event the guests will be standing rather than sitting
Having ushers is a gracious gesture to offer to guests, who often look slightly bewildered when entering a ceremony space.
Aisle Runners - they benefit from some planning. The idea of a long carpet, perhaps strewn with flowers petals, for a spectacular entrance is lovely. The reality is that I have seen too many runners trampled and crumpled before the proper satin-shod toe steps out onto the stretch of fabric. If a runner is laid out before the guests enter, how are the guests supposed to get to their seats - or run over and hug someone they haven't seen in a long time? Ushers can help direct people away from the center aisle, but really...do you want to keep people from greeting each other?
If you are going to include a runner, make it a dramatic moment in the ceremony, having two or more ushers unroll it with a flourish to heighten the tears and the "Aaahhhh!"s for that historic walk down the aisle. And if you actually want flower petals to stylishly adorn the pathway, choose a flower girl/boy who is older than 5. The whole ritual can be quite stunning, creating anticipation for the entrance.
Let your celebrant know that you are going to have a runner. She or he can help you decide how you wish it to be used. It is one of those details that offers an opportunity for a beautiful ritual.
Details, details. They are the nuts and bolts of the occasion.
photo by Sonya Andonov
Ushers - they are a good thing. I heartily recommend asking 2 to 4 friends or family members if they would help out at the ceremony. They can:
- provide a bit of guidance when guests arrive at a space
- make sure certain seats are saved for specific guests
- tell inquiring guests if there are or are not "side" preferences
- hand out programs
- define a space, in the event the guests will be standing rather than sitting
Having ushers is a gracious gesture to offer to guests, who often look slightly bewildered when entering a ceremony space.
Aisle Runners - they benefit from some planning. The idea of a long carpet, perhaps strewn with flowers petals, for a spectacular entrance is lovely. The reality is that I have seen too many runners trampled and crumpled before the proper satin-shod toe steps out onto the stretch of fabric. If a runner is laid out before the guests enter, how are the guests supposed to get to their seats - or run over and hug someone they haven't seen in a long time? Ushers can help direct people away from the center aisle, but really...do you want to keep people from greeting each other?
If you are going to include a runner, make it a dramatic moment in the ceremony, having two or more ushers unroll it with a flourish to heighten the tears and the "Aaahhhh!"s for that historic walk down the aisle. And if you actually want flower petals to stylishly adorn the pathway, choose a flower girl/boy who is older than 5. The whole ritual can be quite stunning, creating anticipation for the entrance.
Let your celebrant know that you are going to have a runner. She or he can help you decide how you wish it to be used. It is one of those details that offers an opportunity for a beautiful ritual.
Details, details. They are the nuts and bolts of the occasion.
photo by Sonya Andonov
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Playing For Change
This is why I am a Celebrant.
As I wend my way through life, I see what so many other people see - that anything we can do to find common ground is what we need most of all.
These songs from the Playing For Change folks do it all so enjoyably and clearly. The music is wonderful, the musicians are soulful and our being taken picturesquely around the world opens the airways so that we soar. What a way to convey how life-changing it can be to dance and sing and be joyful!
And how is this like my work as a Celebrant? What I do is help people find a way they can gather together in a harmonious celebration of an important change in their life/lives. I have no qualms speaking the words that someone might shy away from, and I completely enjoy listening to people's stories and seeing the ceremonial form that naturally arises from their particular experiences and desires and outfits. If the persons involved have wishes that seem at odds, I imagine a view in which they complement each other.
I love kaleidoscopes too - the view continually changes
.
This image is from a page on Wayne Schmidt's amazing site
As I wend my way through life, I see what so many other people see - that anything we can do to find common ground is what we need most of all.
These songs from the Playing For Change folks do it all so enjoyably and clearly. The music is wonderful, the musicians are soulful and our being taken picturesquely around the world opens the airways so that we soar. What a way to convey how life-changing it can be to dance and sing and be joyful!
And how is this like my work as a Celebrant? What I do is help people find a way they can gather together in a harmonious celebration of an important change in their life/lives. I have no qualms speaking the words that someone might shy away from, and I completely enjoy listening to people's stories and seeing the ceremonial form that naturally arises from their particular experiences and desires and outfits. If the persons involved have wishes that seem at odds, I imagine a view in which they complement each other.
I love kaleidoscopes too - the view continually changes
.
This image is from a page on Wayne Schmidt's amazing site
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Viva Vermont!
Holy cow! Vermont legalized same-sex marriage today. What a week this is. Let's keep it going; New Jersey, go ahead - call it marriage!!
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Way to go, Iowa!
DES MOINES — Same-sex couples will be allowed to marry in Iowa by month’s end, after a ruling on Friday by the Iowa Supreme Court that found unconstitutional a state law limiting marriage to a man and a woman.
That's the lead paragraph from today's New York Times. To read the rest of the article click here.
Now if some West Coast state could find its way to join in...
That's the lead paragraph from today's New York Times. To read the rest of the article click here.
Now if some West Coast state could find its way to join in...
Monday, March 23, 2009
What Does The Officiant Say?
photo by Sonya Andonov
This is a search phrase that statistics tell me has led people to my website. I'm not sure exactly why but I assume it is because of the thread in my letters archive about marrying without an officiant. I am imagining a person trying to find out what those magic words are that an officiant says to make a marriage valid so that they can bypass me altogether.
Ah, if it were only that easy. If just saying the right combination of words made for a fulfilling ceremony - how easy it would be! But what if it were so simple that people inadvertently got married? If someone was goofing around and said ceremonial words, like, "we gather here together to join Sara and Theodore in matrimony...", and unwittingly the two friends (or even worse, mortal enemies), Sara and Theo were then married! Wouldn't that be a knotty mess!?!
There are plenty of books, and online resources, that spell out how a wedding ceremony might go. But, let me just answer the question personally - this officiant says quite a bit, about marriage, about love, maybe about ancestors, and possibly about the trees or the stars or the moon, about children maybe, about meeting in the rain or liking to have your head massaged - sometimes quite a bit. And that's only me; the couple and those around them say things too. The bride and groom/bride and bride/groom and groom speak words of love and commitment; friends or family members may offer readings or blessings; everyone gathered might declare their intention to support the couple in their vows.
What words marry the two people? All of them. Added to the words, the couple is united by the joining of their hands, the sharing of a cup of wine, the receiving of good wishes, and simply the coming together before the society of family and friends, or within the community of nature.
This is a search phrase that statistics tell me has led people to my website. I'm not sure exactly why but I assume it is because of the thread in my letters archive about marrying without an officiant. I am imagining a person trying to find out what those magic words are that an officiant says to make a marriage valid so that they can bypass me altogether.
Ah, if it were only that easy. If just saying the right combination of words made for a fulfilling ceremony - how easy it would be! But what if it were so simple that people inadvertently got married? If someone was goofing around and said ceremonial words, like, "we gather here together to join Sara and Theodore in matrimony...", and unwittingly the two friends (or even worse, mortal enemies), Sara and Theo were then married! Wouldn't that be a knotty mess!?!
There are plenty of books, and online resources, that spell out how a wedding ceremony might go. But, let me just answer the question personally - this officiant says quite a bit, about marriage, about love, maybe about ancestors, and possibly about the trees or the stars or the moon, about children maybe, about meeting in the rain or liking to have your head massaged - sometimes quite a bit. And that's only me; the couple and those around them say things too. The bride and groom/bride and bride/groom and groom speak words of love and commitment; friends or family members may offer readings or blessings; everyone gathered might declare their intention to support the couple in their vows.What words marry the two people? All of them. Added to the words, the couple is united by the joining of their hands, the sharing of a cup of wine, the receiving of good wishes, and simply the coming together before the society of family and friends, or within the community of nature.
If you are being ordained for the day to officiate at your friends' wedding, think about what this moment means to them, and to you. Find the words to express that. And speak them clearly, from the heart.
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